10 Things I’m Finally Learning to Stop Worrying About

At 63, I’m learning what’s worth worrying about and what I need to let go. Here are 10 things I’m finally learning to stop carrying.

I wish I could tell you that turning 63 magically made me stop worrying.

It didn’t.

I still worry about my kids. I worry about their futures. I worry about the world we’re living in. I worry about getting older, whether I’ll ever accomplish some of the things I’m still chasing, and yes, I sometimes worry that I’m simply running out of time.

But I am starting to realize something.

A lot of what I spend my time worrying about isn’t mine to control anyway.

Maybe that’s one of the things getting older eventually teaches us. Not how to stop caring, but how to recognize what’s actually ours to carry.

I’m definitely still learning this one.

I’m 63 — Here Are 10 Things I’m Finally Learning to Stop Worrying About

1. My Adult Kids’ Choices

This is probably the hardest one for me.

I’m a mom. Of course I’m going to worry about my kids, no matter how old they get.

I can give advice. I can tell them what I think. And I know they’ll listen.

But then they’re probably going to go ahead and do what they want anyway.

And you know what?

So did I.

It’s hard watching your children make choices you wouldn’t make. It’s even harder when you think you can see the mistake coming before they do.

But making mistakes is part of learning and growing.

I did it. They will too.

I just pray they stay safe while they’re figuring it all out.

2. Having Lots of Friends

There was a time when making friends and being seen mattered much more to me.

Not so much anymore.

Friends come and go throughout our lives. Some stay for decades. Some are there for a season. Some disappear and you never really understand why.

I’ve also learned that I actually like my own company.

That doesn’t mean I never get lonely. I do. There are days when I wish someone would call, reach out or simply ask how I’m doing.

But I’ve noticed something about myself. When I keep busy doing things I enjoy or working on something that matters to me, I feel less alone.

Maybe I’ve learned that I don’t need a huge circle of people around me to feel like my life has value.

I’d rather have a few genuine connections and learn to be comfortable with myself than surround myself with people simply so I won’t be alone.

3. My Children’s Future

This is different from worrying about the choices they’re making today.

I can drive myself crazy worrying about what their lives will look like five, ten or twenty years from now.

Will they be okay?

Will they be financially secure?

Will they be happy?

What kind of world will they be living in?

And then I have to remind myself:

I can’t control any of it.

I can love them, support them and be there when they need me.

The rest is their life to live.

4. Fixing Their Mistakes Before They Happen

This one goes against every mothering instinct I have.

When you’ve lived longer, sometimes you recognize the pothole because you’ve already driven straight into it yourself.

You want to yell, Don’t go that way! Trust me!

Sometimes they’ll listen.

Sometimes they won’t.

And sometimes we have to let our adult children learn the same way we did.

By living.

5. Always Being the One Who Reaches Out

I’m tired of chasing relationships.

Friends. Family. Anyone.

If someone wants to be part of my life, I believe they’ll make some effort to be there.

That doesn’t mean I’m keeping score or expecting everyone to constantly check on me. Life gets busy. I understand that.

But relationships shouldn’t always feel one-sided.

If I’m continually the person reaching out, checking in and trying to keep something alive, eventually I’m going to stop.

Even when it’s family.

If someone doesn’t want to make an effort, that’s their choice.

What I do with that information is mine.

6. Pretending I Love Everything About Getting Older

I don’t.

There. I said it.

I don’t particularly like getting older. My hair has gone white, and while I’ve accepted that it’s part of me now, it’s also a pain in the ass to manage sometimes.

And then there’s my weight.

I wish I had more willpower when it comes to watching my weight, especially those stubborn extra pounds around my belly. Apparently I’ve entered the midsection crisis stage of life. 😂

But I’m also at an age where I want to enjoy my life.

Sometimes that means having a beer. Going out for pub food. Having dessert or treating myself because I feel like it.

I’m not talking about pigging out every day. I still believe in everything in moderation. But I also have to be realistic. If I make those choices, I can’t turn around and be completely shocked that those stubborn extra pounds aren’t magically disappearing.

It’s all about choices, right?

When it comes to aging itself, I’ve chosen to age naturally. Cosmetic fillers, Botox and surgery aren’t for me.

Would I love to magically look ten years younger?

Absolutely.

But I’ve earned these years, and the face looking back at me is still me.

I have friends older than I am who barely have a grey hair and seem to have far fewer wrinkles. Apparently they won the genetic lottery. Good for them.

I’m learning not to compare my aging to theirs.

I don’t have to love every wrinkle, every grey hair or every extra pound to appreciate the life that gave them to me.

And if enjoying that life occasionally comes with a beer, some pub food and a little extra belly fat?

Well…I guess that’s another choice I’m learning to own.

7. Whether I’m Successful Enough

I’ve had days when I’ve honestly felt like a failure because I didn’t make the money I dreamed I would.

I’ve tried a lot of things over the years. Some made a little money. Some went nowhere. And some gave me just enough of a glimpse of success to make me think, This might finally be it, only to fizzle out again.

That can be discouraging.

It’s especially hard when you look online and see people making thousands—or even millions—doing something similar. It’s easy to wonder, What am I doing wrong? Why can’t that be me?

But maybe the problem is that I’ve spent too much time measuring success by one thing:

How much money did I make?

Of course money matters to me. I’m not going to pretend I’ve suddenly become enlightened and don’t care about it. Would I still love to make the kind of money I’ve dreamed about?

Hell yes.

But not everyone is going to be among that tiny percentage who makes it to the top, and that doesn’t automatically make the rest of us failures.

I’ve taught myself things I never thought I’d learn. I’ve created things from nothing. I’ve taken chances, had disappointments, changed directions and started over more times than I can count.

And at 63, I’m still doing it.

Maybe there’s something to be said for that too.

Maybe part of success is resilience.

Being resilient doesn’t mean everything works out. It doesn’t mean I don’t get discouraged or have days when I want to throw in the towel.

It means I eventually get back up, adapt and try again.

And really, that applies to more than making money. It applies to almost anything in life that makes us want to quit.

Do I sometimes worry I’m running out of time? Absolutely.

But I’m still here. I’m still curious. I’m still trying.

And maybe I need to give myself a little more credit for that.

Because who knows?

One day could change everything.

8. Looking Ridiculous for Trying Something New

At this point?

I’ll try whatever the hell I want.

I’m 63. If I want to learn something new, start another project, try a new business idea or completely change direction again, why shouldn’t I?

Maybe it works.

Maybe it doesn’t.

I’ve survived plenty of things that didn’t work.

I’d rather be the 63-year-old trying something new than the 63-year-old wondering what might have happened if I’d tried.

9. What People Think About What I Post

I’m much less worried about what people think about what I post than I used to be.

I’m still human. Of course judgment can sting. But I’m not interested in creating some perfectly edited version of myself just so everyone approves of me.

Hell, I sure don’t like everything I see or read on social media either.

Most of the time, I simply scroll on by.

And yes, occasionally my inside voice escapes and I say what I’m thinking. I’m opinionated. I’m probably not going to change that at 63.

But I do my best to remember there’s an actual person on the other side of that screen.

I can disagree with someone’s opinion. I can think a post is ridiculous. I can challenge something I believe is wrong. But verbally bullying, attacking or deliberately trying to hurt someone because I don’t agree with them?

That’s unacceptable to me.

Social media has made it incredibly easy to say things to strangers that many people would never dream of saying to someone’s face.

I don’t want to be that person.

And I can’t control whether someone else likes what I post, agrees with me, unfollows me or thinks I’m completely wrong.

They’re allowed their opinion.

And I’m allowed mine.

Maybe getting older has taught me that I don’t need everyone’s approval but I also don’t need to tear someone else down to express what I believe.

Sometimes the best response really is just to keep scrolling.

10. Trying to Control Things I Simply Can’t Control

This might be the biggest lesson of all.

At 63, I’m finally realizing that I cannot change everything happening around me.

I can’t control my children’s decisions.

I can’t control other people.

I can’t control the world.

I can’t control getting older.

And I definitely can’t control what tomorrow brings.

What I can change is what’s within me and what’s in my space right now.

How I react.

The choices I make.

The decisions I make.

What I choose to do next.

Those things are on me.

And maybe that’s where my energy needs to go.

Maybe We Don’t Need to Stop Worrying Completely

I don’t think I’ll ever become someone who doesn’t worry.

That’s probably asking a little too much.

But I’m beginning to understand the difference between caring about something and believing I have the power to control it.

They’re not the same thing.

Maybe getting older isn’t about finally having life figured out.

Maybe it’s about finally figuring out what’s yours to carry and what isn’t.

I’m still working on that.

But then again, I’m only 63.

I’ve still got some figuring out to do.

“There’s no age when we suddenly become a finished product. We’re all a work in progress until the very end.”